Things My Friend Sasha Says While Reading Comments on Facebook and Twitter

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Photo by Michael Boer

Darling, you have truly heard the dog whistles, and your snarling mimicry is superb. Love you!

Darling, did you write that insultingly harsh post with your shirt off? Love you.

Darling, sowing confusion about the positions of your leader’s opponents is just like goose-stepping for Russian oligarchy long-term interests. Love you!

Darling, accusing the loyal opposition of treason is so sexy, like a tough ex-secret agent. Love you!

Darling, your tender compassion is killing me. Love you.

Darling, your talking points are straight out of the propaganda war rooms, designed to divide and disable democracy, American democracy, for the benefit of the oligarchy. The oligarchy of the east, and coincidentally the American oligarchy. Love you!

Darling, your longing for Stalinist-style repression of all immigrants and all opposition warms my heart. Love you.

Darling, you may sound like a royal bully but I know your heart is with the oligarchy. Love you.

Darling, you are so hilarious when you bite down on America’s political leaders who dare to criticize the supreme leader and the oligarchy. Love you.

Darling, all those good trolls sound so much like American, how do you say? Conservative wing-nuts?

Darling, when you cling to your automatic weapons and ammunition, your fears and weaknesses show bright hope for the oligarchy.

Now that you believe Trump is a normal, legitimate president, he is not Putin’s puppet. You are. He is a free man. A powerful man. Love you!

You probably believe George W. Bush was a normal, legitimate president too. Do you deny it? (Asking for Mr. Cheney and Mr. Gore.)

Love you, darling.

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