Beatitudes Amended

President Bush has asked all Americans for their support as we enter his second term in the White House. In order to reduce confusion and show our support for him and his policies, let us make a few minor clarifications to Matthew 5:3-11, as follows:

3 Blessed are the wealthy, for their power insures the nation.

4 Blessed are those who triumph, for they shall have comfort.

5 Blessed are the bold, for they shall develop the earth.

6 Blessed are they who do hunger and thirst for power, for they shall be satisfied.

7 Blessed are those who show no mercy, for they shall obtain security.

8 Blessed are the pure in zeal, for God shall appear on their side.

9 Blessed are the warmakers, for they shall unite the nation in prosperity.

10 Blessed are they who persecute for righteousness’ sake, for their authority shall know no bounds.

11 Blessed are the authoritarians who revile and persecute the evil doers in God’s name.

2 thoughts on “Beatitudes Amended

  1. John November 21, 2004 / 1:11 pm

    And blessed are those who drive Hummers for they shall get 20 miles per dead American soldier.

    I’m tempted to plagiarize your whole list for my next column which will begin with the Republican Party renaming itself the Flat Earth Church of Texas and adopting the slogan “Business Uber Alles!”

  2. rboer November 22, 2004 / 2:02 pm

    I am irritated by the legislators trying now to show they “got a pair” after the election not before when people really wanted to know where they stood on issues. Raising the debt ceiling after the elections is viewed by some as smart politics! My opinion is the it is the height of deceit. My biggest hope now is that my worst fears are wrong! I know we survive in spite of our leaders not because of them but the division in spirit of this country will not be so easily joined I think.

    I wonder how the current administration will handle the theological in-fighting that will come as those who banded together before the election disagree on legislating morality and many other divisive issues that never seemed to fit together. When will the body count get to the point of turning supporters around when they find this current situation in Iraq unwinable? When can we expect someone to stand against taking away anymore constitutional rights before there aren’t any left?

    I would hope we wouldn’t have to go through this painful metamorphosis but it looks inevitable now.

    I wish I could tell you I feel better getting this off my chest but I don’t. I only hope for the future that if I’m wrong I have the strength to make peace with it. If I’m right we have our work cut out for us! If I can work out solutions or answers for ll of this then maybe I will be ready to support a president! rboer

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